This is going to ruin the tour
the GRAND tour
Dearest, darlingest Throbbing Members,
A killer cold brings you this newsletter a week late in place of a podcast episode (Caroline would sound like a chain smoker and doesn’t want to assault your delicate ears), but the funniest meme on the internet brings you what we think may be our finest newsletter. So. You win some, you lose some.
One man’s me espresso is going to ruin another man’s tour, you might even say.
We truly can’t stop laughing at “this is going to ruin the tour” memes and so we present to you: historical romance recs with scandals that are going to ruin the (grand) tour.
Warning: there is no rhyme or reason to these recs. Except that…we like them. And you should read them. And we had too much fun fitting them into this meme format.
Hannah’s Recs
Tom: can I have her?
West: literally no
Tom: this is going to ruin the tour
Chasing Cassandra by Lisa Kleypas
Billie: *crashes Drew’s engagement party with the secret baby he didn’t know he fathered*
Drew: this is going to ruin the tour
Destiny’s Surrender by Beverly Jenkins
Cora: it’ll be so easy to negotiate with this random Miss Caceres Galvan woman
Manuela: *is Miss Caceres Galvan*
Cora: this is going to ruin the tour
An Island Princess Starts a Scandal by Adriana Herrera
Greyling: *with his dying breath* pretend to be me
Edward: ...
Gorilla: ...
Edward: this is going to ruin the tour
The Earl Takes All by Lorraine Heath
Mark: I’ve written a pamphlet on chastity, but, like, it’s nbd...very lowkey
Townspeople: we LOVE the pamphlet but fyi your reputation now hinges on you staying a virgin
Mark: this is going to ruin the tour
Unclaimed by Courtney Milan
Captain Doom: my name is Captain Doom
Lucy: lol I’m not scared
Captain Doom: ...
Lucy: but if i’m being honest I’m kinda turned on
Captain Doom: this is going to ruin the tour
Thief of Hearts by Teresa Medeiros
Adam: *gets amnesia*
Gabbie: by the way we only have sex on Wednesdays
Adam: this is going to ruin the tour
Regarding the Duke by Grace Callaway
Stephen: *hires the heroine to prove that séances and ghosts aren’t real*
*entire house party witnesses a ghost wandering around the grounds at night*
Stephen: this is going to ruin the tour
Mesmerized by Candace Camp
Lazarus: so what who cares I like to blindfold and tie up my lovers
*murder victims start showing up blindfolded and tied up*
Lazarus: this is going to ruin the tour
Wicked Intentions by Elizabeth Hoyt
Parliament: *passes a law declaring it illegal to jump to conclusions*
Clayton: this is going to ruin the tour
Whitney, My Love by Judith McNaught
Caroline’s Recs
Brandon: I’m gonna infiltrate the household as a footman and get revenge on this mapmaker
Rose: *is secretly the mapmaker and is also hot*
Brandon: this is going to ruin the tour
The Marquess Makes His Move by Diana Quincy
Mac: *making a nuisance of himself years after his wife left him, charming and determined to seduce her back to him*
Isabella: this is going to ruin the tour
Lady Isabella’s Scandalous Marriage by Jennifer Ashley
Joyous: *literally magically pops out of nowhere and lands on top of Alec*
Alec: this is going to ruin the tour
Bewitching by Jill Barnett
Will: *has vague memories and is in constant pain*
Angelika, who tried to sew body parts together and reanimate them into a husband: this is going to ruin the tour
Angelika Frankenstein Makes Her Match by Sally Thorne
Vere: I am so good at pretending to be the stupidest man alive, no one suspects I am a secret agent. I can do whatever I want
Elissande: *traps him into marriage*
Vere: this is going to ruin the tour
His at Night by Sherry Thomas
Sebastian: I am EVIL. I am a VILLAIN. Everyone should fear me I am a terrible rake
Evie: you’re actually a very sweet husband
Sebastian: this is going to ruin the tour
Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas
Reagan: *mistakenly shoots her own husband-to-be before meeting him*
Reagan: this is going to ruin the tour
Tempest by Beverly Jenkins
Mara: hey, I’m not actually dead and I need your help
Temple: ...you framed me for your murder
Mara: this is going to ruin the tour
No Good Duke Goes Unpunished by Sarah MacLean
Elizabeth: yeah I can handle my first solo mission and bring down this awful earl no PROBLEM I’ve got BATTLE AXES and SWORDS
Stephen: hi hello I’m actually just the earl’s reclusive inventor cousin, he has disappeared, can I interest you in some elaborate inventions?
Elizabeth: this is going to ruin the tour
Hot Earl Summer by Erica Ridley (out 8/6)
Mark: I’ll only marry a woman if she can take my entire ginormous ten-and-a-half inch d*ck
Passion: *has a secret pocket of flesh behind her cervix that pops open*
Mark: this is going to ruin the tour
Passion by Lisa Valdez
Caroline: I hope Hannah has an idea for a super clever outro…
Hannah: ...
Caroline: this is going to ruin the tour
Xoxo,
& | A guest post by
|
 |
|
I literally found a copy of the marquess makes his move in a plastic bin in a thrift store today and audibly gasped, I’m so excited
STOP the Whitney My Love one killed me